Asking for help

Asking is a skill, not a failure

Being responsible does not mean knowing every answer. It can mean noticing when you are stuck and finding someone who can help you take the next step. You can be proud of what you have tried and still need support. Asking does not make your progress any less yours.

Match a school question to someone who can help

Start with the person closest to the question. A teacher or tutor can help you understand classwork, while an academic advisor in college can help you think through course choices and requirements. You do not need the perfect person on your first try; asking where to go is a useful question too.

• Teacher: “I tried the first two problems, but I’m stuck on this step. Could you explain it another way?”
• Tutor: “Could we work through one example, then let me try the next one?”
• College academic advisor: “I’m unsure which courses fit my goals. Can we look at my options together?”

Find support for more than classwork

A school counselor can be a starting point for worries about friendships, stress or school plans, and can help you find other support. Counselors and advisors are there for exactly these kinds of questions, not only emergencies. A coach, family member or another trusted adult may also help you think through a situation or reach the right person.

• School counselor: “I’ve been worried about school and friendships. Could we find a time to talk?”
• Coach: “I’m struggling to balance practice and homework. Could we talk about my commitments?”
• Family member: “I don’t need you to solve this right away. Could you listen and help me think?”
• Trusted adult: “Something is making me uncomfortable, and I need help deciding what to do.”

Ask early and bring a starting point

Ask when you first notice a problem instead of waiting until a deadline has passed. Bring the assignment or situation, one specific question and a note about what you have already tried. If you cannot explain it yet, “I’m not sure where to begin” is enough to start. Before you leave, check that you understand the next step.

• Point to the part you do not understand.
• Show an attempt or describe what you tried.
• Mention any deadline that affects the question.
• Ask “What should I do next, and when should I check back?”

Use office hours in college

Office hours are times professors or teaching staff set aside for students’ questions. Check the syllabus or course page for when and how to attend, or ask how to arrange a meeting. Bring a question about a concept, feedback or an assignment; you do not have to be doing badly to go. You can open with “I reviewed my notes, but I’m unsure why this method works. Could we go through one example?”

Keep asking if the first answer does not help

Someone may misunderstand, be unavailable or not know the answer. Try “Could you explain that another way?” or “Who else could help with this?” If you feel dismissed, ask someone else rather than deciding your concern does not matter. If the issue involves your safety, tell another trusted adult promptly and keep seeking support until someone helps you take action.

Try this week

1. Write down two people you could ask: one for schoolwork and one for a personal concern.
2. Choose one question, add what you have tried and draft a three-sentence message asking for help.
3. Send the message or arrange a conversation, then write down the next step you agree on.